I have done a blog on depression in sport before but on this occasion my attack is more focused. On what an athlete does when their career ends. When their athletic lives die and they enter the world of mere mortals once again, a world they may have never lived in, they become reborn, and have to learn the basics of being an adult without the trials most of us have to go through.
Most QPR fans will remember their successful period in the mid-70’s and look back at them with misty eyed nostalgia. That team consisted of legends such as Gerry Francis and the mercurial Stan Bowles and finished 1 point behind League winners Liverpool. They will also speak highly of their super fit and expert crosser of a ball, right back, Dave Clement. A QPR legend in his own right he played for the club from 1965 to 1979 and made 5 appearances for England in that time. A revered and loved man amongst his own fans when he left he had nomadic experiences at Bolton, Fulham and Wimbledon in 3 years. Football was Dave Clements life; a dedicated and motivated footballer who always strived for the best. At age 34 Dave broke his leg and at his age he deemed this as a death sentence to his footballing career. On 31st March 1982 Dave Clement ingested a deadly amount of weed killer, killing himself, and leaving behind a 3 year old son, Neil Clement (who went on to play for West Brom).
Who are you as a person? I mean try and think of that. Those that are really unlucky don’t have an answer to that question. Identity is a complex issue and for many it may take well into adulthood till they truly discover what identity they want to assume, who they are and be comfortable with that. I know I haven’t yet. Worse though, imagine that identity comes very soon for you. From childhood something you do or are good at comes to be what you are. When people ask for you they would say ‘’ you know the Math guy’’ or ‘’the strong guy’’ or ‘’the sports guy’’. What if after all your identity aware life, of being the sport guy, one day it stops.
Recently Dean Windass ‘came out’ about his battles with alcohol and depression, including 2 failed suicide bids, admitting that the inability to cope with inactivity in the sport he loved and participated in from an extremely young age played a part in his desolation. Selorm Kuadey, 24 years young, a graduate in human biology and infectious diseases and former youth level England rugby union international took his own young life this month. He retired at 23 due to recurring injuries. Admittedly, I can only hypothesise as to whether his early retirement has anything to do with what must have been a truly low state of mind. In fact I go as far too say it undoubtedly is not the cause. But it could be a trigger, contributor or catalyst to underlying issues.
Matt Jansen, former Blackburn Rovers footballer, was on the cusp of the England squad when an accident involving a moped effectively ended his career. His continued attempts at comebacks made him feel consistently worse about himself. He couldn’t understand why this sport he once played with such gusto, grace and glory seemed so extraordinarily foreign to him now. Depression and thoughts of suicide followed him like a dark cloud for years until eventually accepting football was gone; and it wasn’t coming back. Yet even then he still enveloped himself in the comfy blanket of football, involving himself in coaching and playing at non-league standard. At university you learn of the names of stages academics have given these feelings, academics admittedly who have earned their spurs to band such titles to such delicate issues. But it wasn’t interesting writing and I doubt it would make interesting reading.
So the point in case then is one of identity. The old adage of ‘many strings to your bow’ comes to mind. Michael Owen may have been criticised recently for his footballing performances but since his first serious injury he has built many strings to his bow. He has a successful horse breeding business, his coaching badges, made television appearances and his foresight may well be to avoid that darkness that could engulf anyone whose very self is unceremoniously stripped from them. The average retirement age for a sportsmen is in their 30’s, some are not that lucky and for those who do retire earlier they usually will have some form of crippling injury to live with post retirement. Dean Ashton for instance can still barely walk on the fragile ankle that suffocated his promising and short career. Sportsmen need more support in this respect. When you can no longer count on who you are then what exactly can you count on. I cannot imagine what awful, painful limbo that feeling would leave you in. Famous psychologist Geoff Miller, paraphrased, once remarked ‘’ the human brain’s great complexity is what makes it vulnerable’’. Athlete’s brains are no different; yes they are paid vast sums, do what they love and are loved by thousands. But when all that stops, they are still human after all, and the great complexity of the human mind makes them just as vulnerable as you and me.
Awareness Ramble
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